My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
