Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize