if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
