i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize