It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
