her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
it glows. i had to have it.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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