Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We won't sleep together?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
