i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Come see our sink grown plant.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
