So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
