Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
they need to just BURY HIM!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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