wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
