I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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