I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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