just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
