people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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