I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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