i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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