I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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