Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
