i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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