the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
