Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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