I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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