Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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