You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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