remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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