Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
porn star boner night. come get it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
