My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
