and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
that's an acceptable place to lick
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
