I'm going to jail i love you
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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