i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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