It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
someone owes me an orgasm
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have post one night stand depression
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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