I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
