and next time when you feel me up, do it right
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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