i don't like sucking hair
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
