I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Someone came in the potted fern
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
