She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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