you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
