need another drink. this is the easiest way
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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