if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
