everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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