I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
