dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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