i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
