saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize