Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
