i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize