Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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