Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
