4 words: hood of his car
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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