I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
