We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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