If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
