Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
