I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
