You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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