i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
