Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
