you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
