The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
