You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
