Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
