I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
