i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
