Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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