I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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