I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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