We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
