I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
