you win again, gameday.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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