someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
