I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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