come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
