I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's shark week go big or go home
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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