i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
