New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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