Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We are two peas in an std pod
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
