Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize