My boss' voice literally gives me gas
meet me or not, i'm out of control
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
