You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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