the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
