The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
