Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
