...so i touched it.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There are leaves in my underwear?
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