i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize