when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
