some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
