he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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