It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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