Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Randomize
