we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
