if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize