I'm really into asian looking animals
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
