Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
