the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
