So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
