Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
