I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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