I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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