He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize