Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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